OMG

OMG, I can not believe it has possibly been this long since I have been online. Wow! It really has been hard for me to keep up with everything.

I know, I know continuing from my last entry. I have started spending time with someone that I have known for a long time and has been a really good friend in that time. Yet things have started to turn in the direction that I am not willing to go yet.

It is so very hard to be honest with someone when you know their intentions are on a different wave length then your own. Meaning, it seems my whole life it has always been easier for me to relate to men then women.

This in itself has made my life so horribly confusing. Is it possible to have a close FRIENDSHIP with a man without them sooner or later telling you they want more then just the friendship? They want the next level. It always ends up costing me that friendship when I tell them for the hundredth time that I just want to be friends.

I have always been very up front and open about this too. I let them know and keep knowing that we are only friends. I have even asked if that person can handle it. It is always the same thing. They tell me they have lots of women that are just their friends.

I find I am analyzing myself, I have always been called very much a tom boy and have meet few if any women that I can really relate too. When I was growing up most all of my friends where boys. I loved doing all the same things they did. I still find myself wanting to go to the mud races way over going to get my nails done.

So does it have to effect me so much now. It is very hard to be single, in itself but it is even harder when you have a lot on your mind. I end up talking to one of my male friends and no matter how I try to put it they seem to see me as wanting to get closer to them. In actuality I just had a bad day and need someone to hear me.

I think a lot of the reason I am not really close to any women is trust issues. This stemming from my past. Women can be scandalous and evil. We are a breed that I don't even understand and I am one.

Later Dawner!