Graduation

I never thought this day would come but it did and I am so very happy. Last week my oldest boy graduated from high school.

For those of you that don't know my son. He has been quite the handful for many years. In more trouble then out of trouble for most of his life. He began his teenage age years the same as I did. HELL BENT! Yet by some miracle in his mid teens he started to see the light. Which had to have been blinding I think in order for him to see it. I wish I had known where to find it along time ago, the past years may have been a bit easier on both of us.

I will never forget the day my son came home and told me that he wanted to drop out of school. My heart dropped to the floor. What made that moment in my life feel even lower was to hear the words that followed. My son was walking in my foot steps only 15 years later. He then said, "You didn't finish school mom and you are doing fine.". That one seemed to be a kick in the face. See he was totally right about me not finishing school.

I was young when I got pregnant with him. This was before they had parenting classes in schools. I was pretty much pushed out of my school. There were 2 girls in my high school that were pregnant and I was told that I could go to school only till I began to show, then I would need to go else where. Meaning the alternative high school that we had in our town. It was founded mostly for the kids that were considered "problem kids'. I didn't want to go there because I was trying to rid myself of a lot of the bad influences in my life. By going there I would have been right back in the crowd I was trying to get out of.

After many talks with my son about how important his education is he slowly keep himself on track. I am so very proud of him and now he is talking with me about going to college. He still says he wants to be like me but I think he is seeing also that you have to give things time before making any decisions. I told him I was so very proud of the man he is becoming. When I started to think about it I was also proud of myself for all that we have been through together. We are still learning.

I was so worried about making his the best that he ended up making mine better. My son gave me a present and I would like to share it with you.

Mother O' Mine

If I were hung on the highest hill

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

I know who's love would follow me still

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

If I were drowned in the deepest of seas

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

I know who's tears would come down to me

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

If I were damned by body and soul

I know whose prayers would make me whole

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

Written by my incredible son: Alan

Falling From Grace

I pray for the love

That has falling from grace

The tears left behind

Won't wash from my face

I'm left with all these feelings

But nothing fills the space

Of the love that once was

That has fallen from grace

Every little picture

That's hanging on the wall

Every little trace of you

I have found them all

I close my eyes

It's all I can do

Everywhere I look I see some part of you

Been through all the reasons

And they all seem to fit

No ones pleaded guilty now

There's nothing to admit

There's no one to blame baby

Once you believe

Coz people only touch and go

But love will never leave!

Author Unknown

Had a Bad Night!!!

Had a horrid night. It has been a long time since I was in jail and I really don't want to experience that again for quite some time. Anyway I am to tired and hungry to blog tonight. I will be back tomorrow. Another episode in my oh so twisted life!

Physical Therapy

Went to the doctor today. Elbow is still healing. It looks like 3 weeks of physical therapy and I should be back to work. No surgery!! Yeah, yeah, yeah! (as I do a little jig) Today's poetry entry.

Where Is My Life?

My past is something of a disaster

I have learned all the trades to be a master

Of depression, anxiety and despair

It makes me wonder if I truly care

About myself and where I'm going

About my friends and who I am joining

I look at all the influence

And wonder if it is all coincidence

That my life makes absolutely no sense

It is hard to try and live

When all you do is give

To everyone that steps in between

A life that is broken down

Without even a dream

I wonder if I will ever feel clean

But then again

What the fuck does that mean?

Written by Dawner 8-25-93

Till Today

I am back, it has been an awful hard month. I have been off work since April 4th. I had surgery about 3 years ago on my arm. It was called Ulnar Neuropathy surgery. It was very painful but I got through it. Now I am having very similar problems with my other arm and have been off work due to these problems. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday to see what is next.

So I don't mean to be missing you all so much.

Till Today

Ive seen what they call the promise land

Ive walked alone with the devil in my hand

All I need is just a plan

To get myself back in the swing

To wear the world as my golden ring

Its hard to begin from scratch

With no one as your match

But I will get along

Ill do o.k.

Let me tell you this

Ive made it till today

Written by Dawner 4-18-93

Some Say They Like My Poetry.....

Some say they like my poetry. I guess I have never really thought of it as anything less then just words. I began writing them about 15 years ago. It seems I write for a bit then the urge is gone. It is rather weird.

I was thinking somewhere up in my mind,

It is a place I don't much travel

I seem to be on my way there more and more times,

Yet I always seem to lose my way

I find myself another day,

Going again in that same direction

Oh, that's right my keys are on the table,

Off to work I go in a flash

The dinner bell rings at half past eight,

My stomach growls as I anticipate

Thinking somewhere up in my mind,

I bet my dinner is all but ready

In the refrigerator back home

It's time to go rings out the last buzzer,

Jump in the car, come on let's go

Almost home,

Gas gauge is blinking

Only two more blocks till smooth sailing

Into the drive and turn off the key,

Up the stairs to find you asleep

Thinking somewhere up in my mind,

What a day this has been

Wanting only to be right here again,

There's no map needed,

No directions to keep

Open arms reach out,

With a come here baby

Within his arms a gentle hand,

brushes through my hair

I hear him say,

Pobrecita mi hija, venga se mi hija

Thinking somewhere up in my mind,

I don't need to travel there

For looking in his eyes,

All I need is here

Written by Dawner 2-27-07

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Marko

I know, I know I am always late. I will see you tonight for supper on me for your BIG day!

My Lost Valentine

This goes out to someone that I love, loved and lost. Happy Valentine's Day! I miss you and I am sorry!

I Lost My Valentine Today!

I thought I felt him behind me this morning,

It was only the fluff of the pillow that supported my back

I thought I felt his breath upon my neck,

I awoke to the lonely cold drafts of emptiness that surrounded me

I thought I smelled him upon my covers,

It was only the faintest of aroma's

I thought I heard him say my name,

It was only the television that had been left on all night

I know he is still here,

I can still feel him inside

Please no games to day,

I don't want you to hide

I closed my eyes and wished for sleep,

A dream perhaps of you and me

I know your not here,

I only wish you were still mine

Can anyone please try and find,

My one and only

Lost Valentine

Written and Posted by Dawner!