Saturday, May 05, 2007


I never thought this day would come but it did and I am so very happy. Last week my oldest boy graduated from high school.

For those of you that don't know my son. He has been quite the handful for many years. In more trouble then out of trouble for most of his life. He began his teenage age years the same as I did. HELL BENT! Yet by some miracle in his mid teens he started to see the light. Which had to have been blinding I think in order for him to see it. I wish I had known where to find it along time ago, the past years may have been a bit easier on both of us.

I will never forget the day my son came home and told me that he wanted to drop out of school. My heart dropped to the floor. What made that moment in my life feel even lower was to hear the words that followed. My son was walking in my foot steps only 15 years later. He then said, "You didn't finish school mom and you are doing fine.". That one seemed to be a kick in the face. See he was totally right about me not finishing school.

I was young when I got pregnant with him. This was before they had parenting classes in schools. I was pretty much pushed out of my school. There were 2 girls in my high school that were pregnant and I was told that I could go to school only till I began to show, then I would need to go else where. Meaning the alternative high school that we had in our town. It was founded mostly for the kids that were considered "problem kids'. I didn't want to go there because I was trying to rid myself of a lot of the bad influences in my life. By going there I would have been right back in the crowd I was trying to get out of.

After many talks with my son about how important his education is he slowly keep himself on track. I am so very proud of him and now he is talking with me about going to college. He still says he wants to be like me but I think he is seeing also that you have to give things time before making any decisions. I told him I was so very proud of the man he is becoming. When I started to think about it I was also proud of myself for all that we have been through together. We are still learning.

I was so worried about making his the best that he ended up making mine better. My son gave me a present and I would like to share it with you.

Mother O' Mine

If I were hung on the highest hill

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

I know who's love would follow me still

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

If I were drowned in the deepest of seas

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

I know who's tears would come down to me

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

If I were damned by body and soul

I know whose prayers would make me whole

Mother O' Mine, Oh Mother of Mine

Written by my incredible son: Alan

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Falling From Grace

I pray for the love
That has falling from grace
The tears left behind
Won't wash from my face
I'm left with all these feelings
But nothing fills the space
Of the love that once was
That has fallen from grace
Every little picture
That's hanging on the wall
Every little trace of you
I have found them all
I close my eyes
It's all I can do
Everywhere I look I see some part of you
Been through all the reasons
And they all seem to fit
No ones pleaded guilty now
There's nothing to admit
There's no one to blame baby
Once you believe
Coz people only touch and go
But love will never leave!
Author Unknown

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Had a Bad Night!!!

Had a horrid night. It has been a long time since I was in jail and I really don't want to experience that again for quite some time. Anyway I am to tired and hungry to blog tonight. I will be back tomorrow. Another episode in my oh so twisted life!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Physical Therapy

Went to the doctor today. Elbow is still healing. It looks like 3 weeks of physical therapy and I should be back to work. No surgery!! Yeah, yeah, yeah! (as I do a little jig) Today's poetry entry.

Where Is My Life?
My past is something of a disaster
I have learned all the trades to be a master
Of depression, anxiety and despair
It makes me wonder if I truly care
About myself and where I'm going
About my friends and who I am joining
I look at all the influence
And wonder if it is all coincidence
That my life makes absolutely no sense
It is hard to try and live
When all you do is give
To everyone that steps in between
A life that is broken down
Without even a dream
I wonder if I will ever feel clean
But then again
What the fuck does that mean?
Written by Dawner 8-25-93

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Till Today

I am back, it has been an awful hard month. I have been off work since April 4th. I had surgery about 3 years ago on my arm. It was called Ulnar Neuropathy surgery. It was very painful but I got through it. Now I am having very similar problems with my other arm and have been off work due to these problems. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday to see what is next.

So I don't mean to be missing you all so much.

Till Today
Ive seen what they call the promise land
Ive walked alone with the devil in my hand
All I need is just a plan
To get myself back in the swing
To wear the world as my golden ring
Its hard to begin from scratch
With no one as your match
But I will get along
Ill do o.k.
Let me tell you this
Ive made it till today
Written by Dawner 4-18-93

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Some Say They Like My Poetry.....

Some say they like my poetry. I guess I have never really thought of it as anything less then just words. I began writing them about 15 years ago. It seems I write for a bit then the urge is gone. It is rather weird.

I was thinking somewhere up in my mind,
It is a place I don't much travel
I seem to be on my way there more and more times,
Yet I always seem to lose my way
I find myself another day,
Going again in that same direction
Oh, that's right my keys are on the table,
Off to work I go in a flash
The dinner bell rings at half past eight,
My stomach growls as I anticipate
Thinking somewhere up in my mind,
I bet my dinner is all but ready
In the refrigerator back home
It's time to go rings out the last buzzer,
Jump in the car, come on let's go
Almost home,
Gas gauge is blinking
Only two more blocks till smooth sailing
Into the drive and turn off the key,
Up the stairs to find you asleep
Thinking somewhere up in my mind,
What a day this has been
Wanting only to be right here again,
There's no map needed,
No directions to keep
Open arms reach out,
With a come here baby
Within his arms a gentle hand,
brushes through my hair
I hear him say,
Pobrecita mi hija, venga se mi hija
Thinking somewhere up in my mind,
I don't need to travel there
For looking in his eyes,
All I need is here
Written by Dawner 2-27-07

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Marko
I know, I know I am always late. I will see you tonight for supper on me for your BIG day!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

My Lost Valentine

This goes out to someone that I love, loved and lost. Happy Valentine's Day! I miss you and I am sorry!
I Lost My Valentine Today!
I thought I felt him behind me this morning,
It was only the fluff of the pillow that supported my back
I thought I felt his breath upon my neck,
I awoke to the lonely cold drafts of emptiness that surrounded me
I thought I smelled him upon my covers,
It was only the faintest of aroma's
I thought I heard him say my name,
It was only the television that had been left on all night
I know he is still here,
I can still feel him inside
Please no games to day,
I don't want you to hide
I closed my eyes and wished for sleep,
A dream perhaps of you and me
I know your not here,
I only wish you were still mine
Can anyone please try and find,
My one and only
Lost Valentine

Written and Posted by Dawner!