Happy New Year

We have once again dissolved another year into our vast database of memories. I only wish I was out celebrating with my friends as so many of you have called to tell me that you are. Indeed it was a thought that had crossed my mind but I have to work tonight so it is pretty much just that a thought.

To all my friends that will be out living it up tonight, be careful so that I can see you another day.

If it were up to me I know that I would be out having more then a few drinks. It has been a very long year for me. This made me start thinking, what is it that draws people to the idea of drinking and why is it so much easier to take in the everyday mass chaos bestowed upon us all when we have gotten that bit of alcohol in us. We seem to feel 10 Ft tall and bulletproof. We can talk for hours and we seem to speak nothing but the truth.

So in theory here is my thoughts on that side of me. This by no means is a proven fact. People from all around this world suppress substantial emotions. Emotions of deepest origin are often suppressed with a timewise limited success for a while - yet INSIDE humans it boils and storms. They look for a release, maybe a means for escape. Millions of people are lying day by day. Some are simply lying to themselves to cope with their hidden suppressed emotions. Others are lying to others - pretending to be something different from what they display. This I think is a defense measure so as not to reveal something that may not be wanted or accepted by others.

However a true SPIRITUAL heart NEVER lies !!! Any innermost being always wants to manifest its true self and free itself from ego. This is where alcohol comes into play. The energy of pure natural alcohol can penetrate such layers of ego and allow part of the emotional and spiritual essence to escape - resulting in a change behavior in most cases among mankind.
As you may have experience yourself within YOU as well as among your friends and people around you - MOST people are far more romantic, more loving, more friendly, more YES saying and more smiling after a glass of wine ...
Because most humans on earth are constantly suppressing LOVE !

This by no means leaves out those who become aggressive when drinking. This to me would be something of a more violent or anger suppression then just natural inner self.

For whatever reason you let loose and live it up, just remember to keep yourself safe and the ones around you safe too. Just have fun tonight.

That is all the thoughts I have. Happy New Year everyone.

Where the Hell Have You Been

That seems to be the only thing I have heard from people. I know I have been gone for what seems to be forever. I get into these modes where I just wanna hide and be left alone. Not to many people know but about 4 months ago, I made a decision to leave the ring of friends I was associating with. This was a really hard thing for me to do. Yet I needed to know exactly who my real friends were. With all the mess that was going on within this ring of people it was the healthiest move I could make for myself. Low and behold, I truly found where I stand in the world. That would be by myself. The only person that has ever truly been there is my brother Marko.
It is like I am in grade school again. I am going places and trying to meet new people. It is really hard though. I am use to my phone ringing off the hook and always having somewhere and something to do. I find that I am throwing myself into my work and school. I have absolutely no social life, which I never thought I would ever say.
I am still in a very great relationship with a wonderful man. Yet this seems to be hard for me because when you are not feeling so alive yourself it is hard to manage a relationship. He is understanding and for that I am so thankful. Yet I feel with all the shitty relationships I have been in that this one will surely go to hell also. Yet I need to not doom it myself. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and will have a great New Years!