Divine Finding Within Myself

I feel I have come to my senses today and found that the world is one big lie. Yet in all my pain and emotional suffering I found something that is worth more in weight then gold.

I meet someone I feel is unbelievable in every way. He has made me feel like there are good people in the world. He has made me see that it is not about making a man happy but making myself happy without any expectation from the other. He has showed me that all I have done is lower my own standards to leave my heart and mind vulnerable to be prayed upon by men that are not worthy enough to gaze upon me let alone be enriched from a touch I may give. I was a rose within a bush of thorns. I allowed this to happen. I am better then this and I am better then these men. I just needed someone to show me that. You take your trash out every week and where does it go to it's home the dump. You don't put it in the middle of the table at Sunday dinner. Trash needs to be with trash and a rose needs to be lavished within a garden of the same.

Does this take away the pain I feel? No! I think that ripe in my heart will always be apparent. I have to say I have learned so much over the past decade of my life that I have chosen to put my guard up and keep it there until I know for sure I feel safe. Yet even then; you never are. That is something that I think I have always taken for granite. That I was always safe and everything around me was true and real. The only thing around me that is safe, real and true is me.

This doesn't mean that I should turn my back on myself or those that try to care about me but begin to realize that the ones that have hurt me will hurt themselves the most in the end. Divine wisdom seems to come from divine pain and suffering. I have suffered enough. Now I will step back and watch those that have inflicted this pain fall into their own darkness to be swallowed by self misery and as this happens I myself will rise to a level of awareness that they shall beg for before drowning.

Oh! What a wicked web we weave when we choose to deceive! My whole life I have been deceived and it has only made me what every weak mortal wishes to be. Strong, independent and true. What no man dare strip from a woman shall ever be consumed upon him. A dog is always a dog no matter where he lay. A rat whether in a deepening sewer or within the finest of grain fields shall always be a rat. A man that delivers false regards of love to the mate of his soul, shall now and forever remain a man with NO soul of his own. This shall forever twist and bleed his every inch of being until death finally consumes the shell of the man he could of been and choose not to be. This will become my salvation to know that I am not a shell of something I could have been but the enity of what I am. I am not a being, I am not a shell. I am love, hope, and eternity. I am a power that will forever be above and beyond any man with NO soul. This is my divine wisdom that no man shall ever take away from me.