A,B,C I Can Change A Battery

Good morning all. I just got off work and I am getting ready for a full day. I found this pic a few months back and had to have it enjoy. As everyone knows I recently split up with my boyfriend and have found myself learning all over again the trials of being alone and finding my independence. Yesterday turned out to be one of those learning experiences. I have two vehicles one is a Camero and the other is a van. My camero being my summer fun car and my van being the, "I hate to drive this piece of shit, let alone be seen it." vehicle. Well for the past month my Camero has been broke down needing a battery. Being the complete tightass that I am and being raise by my father and brother made the decision of taking it somewhere to be fixed out of the question. My father worked on cars his whole life and instilled in me the norm of fix your vehicle yourself and use the money you would of spent on something for you.

So yesterday became Dawner's do it yourself day. I had to take out my old battery and reinstall a new one. O.k. I know this isn't a big complicated job. Yet I was not in any big rush to do it. First, I had to find out what type of battery I needed. Now it was off to the part store. I got the battery and returned home and began my lesson in auto repairs. It really was not that hard to do and I think any woman could change a battery. The most challenge a woman might face is lifting it out they weigh about 40-50lbs.

After everything was said and done I dropped myself into the driver's seat and turned the key. Away she went. Started right up. I was very happy and decided to take her for a spin. While I was driving I began to think about all the challenges of being single again and becoming independent. So many aspects of it scared the hell out of me, yet in a calming breeze I felt alive. I was no longer going to let things in my life discourage me from trying. I guess the old saying, "Little things mean a lot." really came to light. Later.

Busy, Busy, Busy....

Today is just an art day. It is payday for me so I will ge running my fool head off trying to get everything done all in one day. School and work tonight makes for a short day. I can't remember the artists name for this one, but the picture is called "Julien".

Divine Finding Within Myself

I feel I have come to my senses today and found that the world is one big lie. Yet in all my pain and emotional suffering I found something that is worth more in weight then gold.

I meet someone I feel is unbelievable in every way. He has made me feel like there are good people in the world. He has made me see that it is not about making a man happy but making myself happy without any expectation from the other. He has showed me that all I have done is lower my own standards to leave my heart and mind vulnerable to be prayed upon by men that are not worthy enough to gaze upon me let alone be enriched from a touch I may give. I was a rose within a bush of thorns. I allowed this to happen. I am better then this and I am better then these men. I just needed someone to show me that. You take your trash out every week and where does it go to it's home the dump. You don't put it in the middle of the table at Sunday dinner. Trash needs to be with trash and a rose needs to be lavished within a garden of the same.

Does this take away the pain I feel? No! I think that ripe in my heart will always be apparent. I have to say I have learned so much over the past decade of my life that I have chosen to put my guard up and keep it there until I know for sure I feel safe. Yet even then; you never are. That is something that I think I have always taken for granite. That I was always safe and everything around me was true and real. The only thing around me that is safe, real and true is me.

This doesn't mean that I should turn my back on myself or those that try to care about me but begin to realize that the ones that have hurt me will hurt themselves the most in the end. Divine wisdom seems to come from divine pain and suffering. I have suffered enough. Now I will step back and watch those that have inflicted this pain fall into their own darkness to be swallowed by self misery and as this happens I myself will rise to a level of awareness that they shall beg for before drowning.

Oh! What a wicked web we weave when we choose to deceive! My whole life I have been deceived and it has only made me what every weak mortal wishes to be. Strong, independent and true. What no man dare strip from a woman shall ever be consumed upon him. A dog is always a dog no matter where he lay. A rat whether in a deepening sewer or within the finest of grain fields shall always be a rat. A man that delivers false regards of love to the mate of his soul, shall now and forever remain a man with NO soul of his own. This shall forever twist and bleed his every inch of being until death finally consumes the shell of the man he could of been and choose not to be. This will become my salvation to know that I am not a shell of something I could have been but the enity of what I am. I am not a being, I am not a shell. I am love, hope, and eternity. I am a power that will forever be above and beyond any man with NO soul. This is my divine wisdom that no man shall ever take away from me.

Introducing Me!!!

I had a few people tell me that I should post a pic. This really wasn't an idea I had been throwing around in my head to much but I thought wouldn't hurt anything. So eat your heart blog world. Later

Short, Sweet, But never to the point!

Ahh! How about a bit of Boris today? Looks good. Today's post is going to be a quick one. It seems my head is spinning and the only thing my body is worried about is the next place I need to be. Just flew in the door from school. I have enough time for a T.V. dinner a quick post and I'm off to work. I would like to thank everyone that commented on my posts today. It was a very nice change of pace that I really needed. Having such a busy schedule I sometimes feel that I am totally out of touch with people in the world. I have always been a loner and I am really starting to see the effects of that lately. It seems when I do have free time and want to do something it ends up being miserable because I am doing it by myself. Not to say I need another boyfriend, that is the last idea I am thinking about. Yet just friends to hang out with and be around would be nice. I am trying though to get out more and associate with people instead of shy away and lock myself in my apartment. The funny part to me is it is almost unbelieveable how many people I know. I get teased about it all the time. Yet I always say, "Yeah I have lots of aquaintances yet no friends." That is why I have decided that I need to be more social. Is there really such a thing? This needs to be the end though for today. Work starts in about an hour so I must get ready to go. Later

Is It What You Hear or What You Feel or Just Music

Tonight and this morning was the sound of music for me. Many people listen to music and hear music but what is it that drives each individual to it? Is it to mend a heart? Is it to light a tourch of passion? Is it to relieve that anger inside you? Is it to take you to a place in time that is long forgotten? Everyone has different answers to those questions. Have you ever heard a song and thought it was the greatest song you had ever heard, yet had no idea what the words to it were? I have had that happen to me so many times. Tonight I took the opportunity to listen to alot of the music I have and matched it up with the lyrics it was astonishing. Some of the music that I thought was really good became great after realizing what the song was actually about. The past 3 days I have been hunting new bands that I have never heard of for interesting new music. I am pretty much a metal head and have always been. The problem that I run into is that when my mood is tainted it is very hard to listen without looking for a certain sound or for certain types of lyrics. I found some really good stuff though. I was quite amazed at what I found and thought that I would somehow intergrate it all into my blog. Maybe this will somehow become something common here in my blog. I quite enjoyed doing it.

My list for this weekend (not all is new stuff) is as followed:

1) 12 STONES---FAR AWAY
2) DAMAGE PLAN---SAVE ME
3) JIMMY EATS WORLD---PAIN
4) DANZIG---SHE RIDES
5) SEETHER---DRIVEN UNDER
6) UNDEROATH---REINVENTING YOUR EXIT***
7) CORROSION OF CONFORMITY---RISE RIVER RISE***
8) AMERICAN HEAD CHARGE---LOYALTY
9) EGYPT CENTRAL---YOU MAKE ME SICK***(This one is really good!!)
10) SHINEDOWN---BURNING BRIGHT
11) SEVENDUST---BITCH***(I was suprised by this one brutal)
12) THE PROM KINGS---ALONE (This one is pretty high on my personal list.)
13) BLACK LABEL SOCIETY---FIRE IT UP
***Makes you want to break things!!! YEAH

That will do it for this time. Maybe my next list won't be so personal to my mood. If you listen to these it will be pretty easy to figure that part out. Later

Friends or Foes

I find myself thinking about friendship today. Is there actually a means of friendship after a relationship. I find myself perplexed by the whole aspect of this. It seems when you are in a relationship with someone they are your best friend, your confidon, your emotional support and your learning tool. This is not to omit your lover and so forth. Yet when a relationship ceases for whatever reason, why then do they become, not in my eyes but theirs, your enemy? It seems the first words you hear are, "Don't ever call me!". Or there is the all to familiar, I never want to talk to you again. Is there just reasoning for this or am I just loosing my ideas of being morally good to someone whether it is good or bad. Yes there are many arguments and disagreements between people but are they really so bad that the feelings you had about that person before any of the disagreements started are just gone. This makes absolutely no sence to me. Over time I can see that you loose feelings for a person but when it is all fresh and just happening why do people need to resort to just being cruel. It makes me believe that the feelings that the other person felt up to that point where false and you were just lead to believe that the love given you was real.
On a better note, because I have forced myself not to drown in someone else's pool of misery, I had a really nice weekend. My little brother came over Friday and basically argued me into submission that I needed to get out and quit revolving my world around all the expectations of others. It was really nice and I meet a lot of neat people. I got to see his aunt Charlotte whom I hadn't seen since I was a little girl. I also ran into a lot of old friends that I hadn't seen in quite awhile. I have found that a new a place to go with a crowd of higher intelligence was just the ticket I needed. Not to say that the old place I use to stomp around at isn't nice but it is full of nothing but misery. For that reason I can't be its company. Well I need to get going on my homework so I can dismiss this whole idea of quitting school. Later.

Ode to an Asshole

Eyes that once danced
Now drown in weary tears
Confessions of pain from the past years
We were to good you and I
To ever make it last
You just keep bring up things from our past
I wish it were different
I wish it weren't true
That way the following days wouldn't be such a blaze
We will pass by day after day
Remembering our keepsakes are ours to save
Knowing now that we are through
I'd just like to say thanks for the memories and
FUCK YOU!!!!

Dawner

Waited Long Enough for the Week to End

Ahh the weekend is here at last. I really don't have any real big plans or anything. I was thinking that with all the commotion in my life lately I would take a weekend off all to myself. I have a million things that I need to do and I seem that I am always distracted by other things. I would really like to have this weekend to myself and have decided that is what I am going to do. Homework, homework, homework is all that I should be thinking about. I will try and think about that later. Not just right now. I have a class at school called Logic that is just killing me slowly. I have no desire in the class and really don't even want to look at the homework let alone do it. Anyhow I will try and write more later on this weekend. Hats off to my bro Marky for sharing a bottle of wine with me and a bunch of laughs. I really needed that. I have been way to in thought and serious later. I needed that. Well till next time, Later.

Fantastic Four

As promised I would let you hear about seeing the Fantastic Four lastnight. Despite what I have read and heard from all the critics and dumbasses that seem to know what the general public wants in movies or should see for movies. I thought this movie was great and would recommend it to anyone to see. I would really like to know if those critics have even read one Fantastic Four comic book? Yes the movie does sway a bit from the original story line but all in all it is damn close. The human torch by far would have to be the best character to me anyway. The special effects were by far better then some of the cheesy, glitchy, crap I have been seeing in alot of movies recently. I won't mention any names like the fire scene in Queen of the Damned, oops I mentioned. Sorry! Well I bid you goodnight until the next entry. Later!

Sleep is a Good Thing!!!

All I need is a bit of sleep today....

Not Much Happening

Well another day another 50 cents. I am feeling alot better the past 2 days. Things it seemed were rough all over there for a few. I don't have too much to report today. I am fighting to stay awake just to get the blog thing done this morning. Night shift really hits you at 9 in the morning. On a good note after my daily escape from everything for my day sleeping hours I am going to go see the Fantastic Four tonight. I will have to let you know the results coming from all that well spent money to entertain us for 2 hours. Thanks babe. Well cyber world I bid you goodnight! Pic of the day is who knows but enjoy anyhow.

Also at least I understand mine most of the time!!! Hee! Hee! 

Sweet Surrender

Well I have been sitting here looking at this white screen for about a half an hour. I just need to type I guess. Today well it really wasn't all that bad I guess. O.k. let's be honest, that is what I am known for. I am so damn sick of ex's, be it wives, girlfriends, friends, what the hell ever. I got rid of mine just to deal with everyone else's and it is just so damn trivial to me. There is always some fuckin way for them to weasel there emotional deficiencies onto the rest of us. God it pisses me off to no end. Just deal with it, that is all I keep telling myself every time just to wait for the next big drama, which in essence is just one more way to cry about their lives to someone that they believe still gives a shit. Oh yeah and the whole kid thing is such bullshit. I'm sorry but the kids are fine and the world is not coming to an end. Everyone in the world jumps at every little thing before issues even need to be worried about which always ends up making everything worse in the end. But hell then that just gives them something else to run right over about. And if I have to hear the saying "Your father knows how emotional about all this I get!" one more time I swear it is going to be a type of drama never seen by human eyes. That is all I have heard come out of this damn woman is I, I, I.... I'm sorry I forgot the whole world still revolves around you and your emotional well being coming from your ex husband's sympathy. For Christ sake you are a fuckin mother go be one. If mother's don't know what to do in situations what was the purpose of having kids beside a damn welfare check hanging out your back pocket. I am not going to get into the situation but my step son is a great kid all his mother seems to be doing is making everything including challenges harder for him then they need to be then making a federal offense out of a lesson learned. I have total faith in him and his decisions. He has always been open and honest with me and his father. He talks to us about everything. I think the problem is that his mother thinks she needs to be in control of every situation, when she isn't she can't "emotionally" deal with anything. This is not his problem it is hers. To take her emotions out on him instead of talking to him like a growing man needs to be talked to she's flipping out running to Steve's to lick her wounds. God this is why I hate women like I do. Are females evolving into something I missed or what. I just don't get it because I have meet woman my whole life that I think are a total disgrace to the female gender.

Had to have this one for my collection! 

Surfing the Web Highway of Art

I have been surfing the web lately looking for new artist to check out and recently came apon a cite that is excellent. I get most of my art work from a variety of sources but for little known artist with amazing work I think that this site is the best. So check it out if you are a art crazed person like me. I am positive you will find something you like. www.epilogue.net I would recommend it to anyone. getting ready for work so not to much time to chat. Later Dawner!

If anyone knows a good doctor that can prescribe this please email me and let me know!!!!! 

Nielson Rating

Today in the mail I received my official Nielson ratings package. O.k. Some people don't know what the Nielson ratings are or are thinking big deal. Well the Nielson ratings tell the broadcasting companies what people are watching and basically what should be cancelled. So when you have a favorite show and pretty soon it is not on anymore, the Nielson ratings may have a lot to do with it. So anyone who knows me would wonder why in the world it interests me. I am the type of person that is a over analyzer. I have to know how things work and why. This can pertain to anything. So why the Nielson ratings? Well not very many people realize that the number of household's sample for the ratings is only 5000 nation wide. O.k. That right there tells me that the chances of actually being selected to participate in the Nielson ratings is 5000:296,576,193 pretty shady odds. I am a T.V. watcher and will participate and mail my response back, yet to me the interest will still be the fact that for some reason the odds were in my favor. Now why couldn't these odds have been there for me the last time I bought a lottery ticket? I shall never know.

Behold the Nightelf. This is from one of my favorite games Warcraft III.  

Work, Sleep, Work, Sleep

Well it has been a little while since I have wrote. My week turned into such a whirlwind in a matter of hours on Monday. I have been looking for part-time work since I am a full time student. I decided to go to a temp agency to get a job and paycheck fast. It isn't exactly what I had in mind but it is a job by some means. I am now working nights and go to school during the evenings. Sorry Marko I haven't been home much but all it seems I do now is work, sleep, work, sleep. It would be so great if the student loans you took out while you were in school were enough to get you totally through school without have to work. Oh well so is life. Lastest interesting tid bit of news I have heard would be a unidentified man was rummaging through a boxes in a storage area he had. While doing this he came across some old papers that had been kept in the family. Supposably within these papers he found a copy of the Declaration of Independance. He, of course, wanted to find out if it really was the real thing. The government documentation authenticity people are now looking at it to find out if it is real. If so it looks that the man will be a millionaire. Considering there were only 25 copies signed with all signature if it is one of these 25 copies it will be worth about 8 million dollars. This gives a whole new meaning to "Out with the old, in with the new". So there is the food for thought of today. Sorry for spelling errors. Spell check not working. To lazy to do it myself. Ha! Ha!

This one takes the cake today. Being the open minded individual I am this really does say alot!!! 

mmmmmmmm......

Another day beat all in. This evening was very long. I had this great idea to change my internet carrier. This started out to be a well liked plan until finding out just what all was involved in doing this. Like everything in my life there is no good recipe for success for me to accomplish anything easier. The company that I was going to go with seemed cheaper, easier and pretty much a sure thing. First off you would need to download and pay for the software to who you were switching to. Not a problem, a credit card comes in handy. I was done with that and on to the next step. Now make sure all connection are secure, unenable your current connection, use a few wizards and away you are cruisin' on the web. O.K. Lesson one. None of this applies, do all steps then make a wish and if your lucky the web faerie will grant it. I obviously am not lucky. The next 5 hours will include: pulling your hair out, getting upset with the only person in the world that loves and cares enough about you to put up with your dumb ass, swearing, pulling out more hair, giving up, starting over, rebooting, uninstalling, reinstalling, calling the tech line to find it cost $1.95 a minute for any support at all, uninstalling and reinstalling old company software to re-establish old web connection priceless.
I think I need to have more evenings like this. In the end I am back to the old company for now and will try to resolve the rest later today. The only real accomplishments for the day seem to be that my little brother now has links on his blog, my laundries done and hopefully the one person in the world that loves and cares about me still does. I didn't quite accomplish the ride to Clear Lake today. I ended up going out to the edge of town to a friends in the trailer court and then coming back home. I will have to leave that adventure for another day. So today's picture needs to be a good laugh. I will see what I can find.

Nothing wrong with a little darkness in your life. 

Happy 4th of July

Well today is the 4th of July. Yeah! One nice part about the 4th is that most people don't have to work. I am just starting my school break and so far it has been very relaxing. Lastnight I went and watched Mason City's fireworks. They were nice and the rain stayed away long enough for it to be a nice evening. After the fireworks Steve and I decided to go for a nice walk around town, It was quite peaceful and relaxing. I have had this idea to start exercising more and would really like to stay with it. I suggested lastnight to go for a bike ride today. The suggestion was to ride to Clear Lake from Mason Ciry. It is about a 7 mile ride. So here I sit and still haven't done it. I am going to try to get that accomplished today and will let you know if it actually happens or not. As for 4th of July plans for tonight I have none. I would go to the lake and watch the fireworks but the last time I was there to be part of the audience there were so many people that it was more of a hassle then an enjoyment.